Well I've been actually doing some work on my comic script, finally. I guess having the hubby work third shift isn't so bad since I can use the time he's sleeping on the weekends to do some uninterrupted work. I will warn you that I'm not really good at this. I don't really expect to ever be able to work professionally as a writer. This is probably just a giant sloppy mess to anyone that IS professional or even close to it.
But hey, at least I'm getting some of it down on paper.
We had some stuff story-boarded for this before. I've since changed a few things and the story board itself is quite old just like a lot of the finished images for this comic. I'll include a few cuts from the story board that are still mostly relevant. They are sloppy since it IS just planning and it's not representative of the final product. Nga really does an amazing job working with me on this and I could not have asked for a better artist and friend to help me out!
Well without further stalling, here it is. I just hope I don't embarrass myself (I probably will.)
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| an old frame. |
RILED
Chapter 1 previewThe sun shines down brightly on a beach setting. The beach looks somewhat lonely except for a single beach umbrella and a person lounging in a chair. Beside her is a martini glass and a plate with a sandwich which sit atop a small cooler. On the other side of her is a beach bag. The sounds of the ocean and seagulls can be heard while the birds circle up above.
Riley: (She wears sunglasses and a small smile as she relaxes, her hand resting around the base of the martini glass.) (Thinking to herself, not aloud.) Bertana Palm Beach! Just like I thought it would be… Perfect! (She lifts the martini glass and takes a sip.) There doesn't seem to be a lot of people out here, Wonder where they are. (sets the glass back down with a thoughtful expression before she seems to totally dismiss the thought.) Eh, they're probably working and have kids in school. Who cares anyway?
View from above with shadows from seagulls.
Riley: (thinking) This feels great... I needed a vacation.
A seagull lands close by the cooler and lets out a squawk.
Riley: (She lifts her sunglasses, giving the bird a questioning look.) Well you're brave aren't you?
The seagull inches closer and lets out another squawk.
Riley: (She tries to ignore it but soon grows irritated at the noise as it continues to squawk. She picks up a hand full of sand and throws it at the bird.) Shoo! Ugh how can something make so much friggin' noise!
The seagull jumps backward, but it doesn't leave, instead it makes a lunge for her sandwich and grabs it.
Riley: (Surprised) What the--! Hey!(She quickly grabs for the sandwich in an attempt to save it, knocking over her martini in the process.)
The seagull darts out of her reach in a flourish of feathers. It seems to stare right at her, letting out a muffled squawk before it quickly devours her sandwich in an odd, cartoonish, and very non seagull-like fashion. Then it squawks more.
Riley: (after recovering from a brief moment of shock) Alright so that's how you wanna play huh?! (She reaches into the bag next to her and pulls out her gun as if she fully intends to shoot a gull over a sandwich.
Seagull: (In a thick Spanish accent and broken English.) Miss McGummery!
Riley: (Gives the bird a disturbed look.) What the hell...
Seagull: McGummery! Time is up! You have to leave!
The sound of pounding on a door becomes more clear and distinct.
The scene is now not a beach, but a small somewhat low budget motel room. Riley lays sprawled out across a bed in the middle of the room, the covers thrown every which way and her head not even lying on a pillow. Next to the bed is a bag with her clothing items haphazardly stuffed in and laying around it.
Mrs. Rosa: (Thick Spanish accent, no longer squawky) Miss McGummery! Boss man say you have ten minutes!
Riley: (Groggy) fine-- (She is cut off by more pounding at the door) (Shouting) FINE! I'm awake I'll be out in a minute! (She lets out a groan, grabbing a pillow and putting it over her face.)
Riley: (Narrating) This… would be me. The name's Riley and apparently I'm not on vacation.
Cue getting dressed and packing up montage! :)
Riley: (Narrating) No, no this motel isn't on a beach. Not even close to one really. I'm here on business.
Riley: (Now fully dressed. She walks down the hallway and up to the counter where there is a man sitting behind it at a computer.) Hey, Mr. Escobar. (She rubs an eye in a sleepy manner.)
Mr. Escobar: (Smiling) Good morning, Riley, I see that you got your wake-up call from Mrs. Rosa.
Riley: (She shoots him an annoyed look) Yeah, yeah I did. Couldn't miss it. (She fishes her key card out of her backpack and puts it on the counter.)
Riley: (Narrating.) I know what you're thinking. "Business? You don't look like a business woman." Yeah well that's because I'm not some executive. I'm a bounty hunter.
Mr. Escobar: (He lets out a chuckle as he takes the card.) Ah yes, she is a wonderful lady but that voice could wake the dead. (He looks up the room on the computer.) Just double checking, I seem to remember you prepaid... and it looks like I was right. (He turns his attention back to Riley giving her a big and friendly smile) Have a nice day, if you're ever back in town, just remember, our rates don't really change!
Riley: (She shifts her pack around on her back to be more comfortable) I'll keep that in mind.
Riley: (She makes her way out of the motel. She opens the lobby doors only to find that it is pouring down rain outside. She lets out a sigh.) (sarcastic and unenthusiastic) Today's gonna be great, I can tell. (She ducks her head and makes her way out onto the sidewalk, crossing a street to get to the parking deck where her car is parked.)
Riley: (Narrating) With this profession, you go where the work is. Which means I travel. A lot. Hell, I don't even have a real place to call home.
Riley: (She opens the trunk of her older model car which seems to be very neatly organized and places her bag in the corner of it. She shuts it and gets into the driver's seat of her car. She pets the steering wheel fondly.) Well baby, time to put this place in the dust. I don't think this city has anything else for us. (She turns the key in the ignition and the car starts up with a loud roar.)
Riley: (Narrating) I don't have some stationary plot somewhere with my name on it. Not a house, not an apartment, not even a cardboard box.
She drives the car to the exit of the parking deck, the brakes letting out a light squeal as she comes to a stop. She waits patiently for an opening to pull out onto the road.
Riley: (Narrating) Some people would call that, "homelessness." I call it, "freedom."
The loud sound of the car echoes through the city streets as she leaves the parking deck and shifts through the gears to get up to speed.
(cue a short traveling montage. Need to show that she's traveled all day and is now in a different location.)
Riley: (Narration) This life has a culture all it's own. It also takes a special kind of person to do this job. Someone with nerves of steel and an immunity to disappointment.
Scene change to a dimly lit bar. Riley sits at the bar with a drink, looking through something that looks like a newspaper. She rests her head in one hand in a bored manner while holding a lit cigarette with the other. The paper that she is looking at is shown, on it are the mug shots of quite a few felons, under each is the reward for them stated in dollars and the crimes they are wanted for. She turns the page and the next seems to be dedicated to one picture and details on the convict. The paper states in bold letters that this man's name is Jacob Ferguson.
Riley: (Narrating) You're probably not going to become famous or even well known. Mostly you'll catch small fry. The big names are big names for a reason: they are dangerous and hard to catch.
As she skims the page attention it drawn to particular parts of the page where the felon pictured is described as very dangerous. There are also a few lines visible that describe his crimes.
Riley smirks after zeroing in on the figure for the reward which is clearly shown as $750,000. She snuffs her cigarette out on the felon's picture.
Riley: (Narrating) But big risks, come with big rewards. More traveling montage! (Yes, non professional script writer here) Riley questions people on the street. She seems to be following leads and getting more frustrated every frame.
Riley: (Narrating) I won't lie… it can be frustrating. You might not answer to a boss like a nine-to-five-er but that don't mean it's easy.
Scene change to outside, Riley is parallel parked on a lightly congested city street. She studies a paper map with markings all over it, seemingly beyond frustrated and ready to give up. She crumples up the map and tosses it behind her shoulder.
Riley: (grumbling) So much for that idea. (She turns the key and starts her car.)
A man runs down the sidewalk outside, trying to escape from something, his face isn't shown.
Riley: (Narrating) This hunting thing can be very hit or miss. Sometimes you get it, sometimes you don't, and sometimes…
Riley has shifted the car into gear and is waiting for an opportunity to pull back onto the street. She seems focused on this until the sound of her car door opening is heard off screen and her attention is drawn that way. Camera pans over a bit to show her unwanted passenger.
Ferguson: (Clutching a back pack. He points a pistol at Riley.) You! Drive!
Riley: (Narrating) … Sometimes it just falls right into your lap.
Riley: (She raises her eyebrows upon realizing who had just run right to her and her expression is one of total disbelief.)
Ferguson: (frantically shouting, brandishing his weapon menacingly.) What the hell are you waiting for!? GO!
Riley: (She seems to snap out of her daze.) Okay! Okay jeeze, I'm movin' (she takes off, squealing the tires a bit as she does so. Car horns blare as she cuts a few cars off in the process.)
Cut out the line
ReplyDeleteRiley: (Narrating) This hunting thing can be very hit or miss. Sometimes you get it, sometimes you don't, and sometimes…
Also hope narration is background narration
Can't wait for the rest of it
Yes it is background narration which is also why I don't think that cutting out that line is a good idea. You would have absolutely no clue what she's talking about with the "sometimes it falls right into your lap." Just trying to lead up to the punch line. The sort of punch line being that the bounty she's been searching for so hard, and given up on, just ran straight to her.
DeleteI've been working more on this. I don't really want to post more of the script so I don't give it all away! The next I post of this will hopefully be a few finished comic pages!